Peoria Journal Star Obituaries For Today

So, I was scrolling through the ol' Peoria Journal Star obituaries today, you know, just to see who's kicked the bucket and what they were up to before they shuffled off this mortal coil. I mean, it's not like I've got a death wish or anything, I'm just curious, okay?

First up, we've got Harold "Hank" McGillicutty. Now, Hank was a character, I'll give him that. He was 92, which is pretty impressive, but get this - he was still working as a part-time janitor at the Peoria Public Library. I mean, who needs a retirement home when you've got a mop and a bucket, right?

Hank's obit said he was "well-known for his storytelling and practical jokes." Well, I bet he was. I can just imagine him sneaking up behind some poor unsuspecting librarian and giving them a good old-fashioned "gotcha!" with a whoopee cushion. Rest in peace, Hank. You were one of a kind.

Next, we've got Evelyn "Evie" Thompson. Evie was a sprightly 87, and she was a real-life daredevil. I mean, she didn't jump out of planes or anything (at least, not that we know of), but she was the oldest person in Peoria to get a tattoo. Can you even imagine? I'm 35, and I'm still not sure I'm ready to commit to a tramp stamp.

Evie's tattoo was a little pink flamingo on her ankle. She told the reporter who interviewed her, "I always wanted a flamingo. They're so fancy." I mean, who among us hasn't wanted to be a little bit more like a fancy flamingo? Rest in peace, Evie. You were a wild one.

Richard Kangas Obituary - Peoria Journal Star

Now, let's talk about Bernard "Benny" O'Reilly. Benny was 79, and he was a bit of a local legend. He was a baker, and his obit said he "could make a mean cinnamon roll." I mean, that's a legacy, right there. I've had my fair share of cinnamon rolls, and I can tell you, Benny's were probably the best.

But here's where it gets interesting. Benny was also a bit of a history buff. He used to hide little historical facts inside his cinnamon rolls. I mean, who does that? Talk about a sweet tooth and a love for history. I wish I'd known Benny. I could've used a few more history lessons and cinnamon rolls in my life.

Sandra K. Stinespring Obituary - Peoria Journal Star

Last but not least, we've got Margaret "Maggie" Davis. Maggie was 101, and she was a real-life superhero. I mean, she outlived two husbands, raised five kids, and was still playing bingo every Friday night until she was 100. I can't even walk to the bingo hall without complaining about my aching feet.

Maggie's secret? "I never ate anything green," she told the reporter. "I figure if God wanted me to eat green, he'd have made me a rabbit." I mean, who needs kale when you can have a good old-fashioned cheeseburger, right? Rest in peace, Maggie. You were a true inspiration.

So there you have it, folks. Another day, another batch of Peoria's finest kicking the bucket. But hey, they all lived life on their own terms, and isn't that what we're all striving for? Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a sudden craving for a cinnamon roll. And maybe a cheeseburger. And maybe, just maybe, I'll go easy on the green vegetables. After all, I want to be around to read next week's obituaries.